I Have Been Unwell

by Corinne Caraway

Unfortunately I love you, and I have been unwell. 

I guess I thought it would be easy enough to understand 

that these don’t really go together, no matter how much we do.

But the desire to hold you and my inability to do so 

keep crashing against your patience with me. 

And I know; I know it hurts. 

After all, I’m the one doing the crashing, remember?

Still, I can’t tell what’s worse; my own breaking apart or 

the way you keep hoping I’ll be better tomorrow. 

What if I’m not better tomorrow?

And what if tomorrow is all that we get?

Will the ghosts between us keep you 

from taking my hand when it’s all I can give?

I guess I thought it would be easy enough to understand 

that you’re supposed to stay even when the aches set in. 

But your desire to help me and my inability to be helped

keep colliding with how you expected loving me to be.

And I know; I know it hurts.

Remember, I have not always been this way. 

Still, I don’t know what’s worse; that you’re missing me

while I’m right next to you, or that I miss me too. 

And what if tomorrow is all that we get,

but I’m not better tomorrow?

Will you take me as I am 

when there is hardly any me left?