Deciduous

A villanelle about leaving your Lover

by Audrey Elledge

I wish I could be evergreen for you,

to have coffee ready for your waking,

to hold the cream the way you ask me to.

I forget: the lemon scarf or the blue?

Unsure how to warm a body shaking—

I wish I could be evergreen for you.

Straight-faced, I say I will be better, too.

But your mouth laughs at that, bulb-teeth quaking,

and I can’t hold your gaze the way you do.

Moon songs and tar earth-hush, night comes to woo

me away from your bed for the taking.

I just cannot be evergreen for you.

Bruise me so I can become a new hue.

Pull me up by my twisted roots, flaking

as you hold my bare branches in full view.

This body of death writhes and slips right through

your garden-calloused fingers, bough breaking.

I wish I could be evergreen for you,

to let you hold me the way you want to.