Velvet Lips

by Sarah Jane Souther

My lips are velvet, they smother every one of his careless words with a smile Stifling replicates, reverberates I envy the wailing of the sirens outside Over dinner, my dad says I hate it when you’re hurting My mom asks me to look into her eyes She says I’ve been mistreated, I don’t know if I believe her, but I can’t take another bite He told me his secrets, let his eyes linger, and his hands just briefly at my waist He said I don’t want to lose you. I let him use me like a counterbalance to his weight He doesn’t know what he’s doing and I make this ignorance my crutch the flip side of an argument I have with myself over lunch If he doesn’t mean it, is it fine? He’d never hurt me if he could see me cry I say it’s love but it might be my own self-loathing and this is my disguise A water line rising, a boat capsizing I’m drowning to see if you want me You want me, don’t you? You don’t. Do you want adoring glances? Do you want a side of my attention with your breakfast? Do you want whole milk lattes? And long conversations at the park? You say you have a thing for smiles But you never mention mine You say you’re staying away from beautiful women And I read between the lines I could never threaten your resolution with my narrow hips Are these velvet lips too soft for your taste? Do you want metal in your mouth? I cannot be that kind of enough for you I don’t want to And I wish I could say it was all your fault but your lack of malignancy almost makes it worse After all, haven’t I been so complicit in letting you break my heart?